Today, I have been browsing for location. I decided I want to move to north and not sure where. I need to explore plus I need to find more software. I would like to have some space to create some sculptures. I always seem to have lack of words in what I should say in my mind or even inspiration to create. I felt like trap in a space and time that does not give you too much movement to go forward. Perhaps I am looking for my better half, half consciously. I believed I am also scaring them away deliberately. I really don’t want others in my space so they can feel the pains. A person sometime does not help. They just kept you in that hole, so they can say they are better than you. The more you dig yourself out, the more they shove it in. They need you to be needy so can use you later. The manipulators in your life, the emotional vampires, that who backstab you with a smile and pretends they care for you. What is worst they suck your energy, your life and your time and leave you wondering who you are again? The movies and novel has everything so clear cut of definition what is good and bad. I think real life I don’t think there is anything that is that clear cut. You can hate and love the same person and want to protect them. You just need to make a decision when to walk away before they do too much damages to you. You can’t be a tower of strength forever it gets worn down. You have to praise the caregiver for what they have to put up. Sometime you just need to put it down and come back to it again after you become a bit stronger. I’m trying to get myself to write more these days and to create more. I kept feeling like I am hitting mental blocks all the time. Maybe this is enough for today.
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